The little alley, encompassed on both sides by very classical buildings, throngs with people drawn to the city for this annual event. Up ahead the crowded alley way opens up to the Grand Place. Beside me my sister looks at me and smirks as the loud thumpa-thumpa sounds of a most horrific nature emanates from one of the small pubs cloistered away in the alley. She finds it amusing that I am encompassed in the sounds I am most uncomfortable with. We laugh and make our way out into the Grand Place. As we walk I casually pull my phone out of my pocket checking for the tell tale green light flashing indicating received messages. And lo, the green light flashes. Instinctively I hope it’s from him. As fate would have it, it’s him!
A few minutes earlier as I showed my Sister around my fair city and lead her through the bustling crowds that showed up for the Braderie, I messaged him, asking if he wanted to meet up. It had been an awfully long time after all. I asked him where he's was and went about showing my sister around.
My sister is taken by the beauty and splendour of the grand Place. The large fountain with the column of justice at it’s centre, surrounded by beautifully adorned classical buildings. As she takes it all in, I use the distraction to quietly unlock my phone and check on the flashing notification. It’s him! My hopeful heart does a slight jig and I smile inside. He’s messaged me on snapchat this time, how typical. I grin. I click on the little yellow tab and open the unread message. Two short lines. My smile drops. My heart sinks, all happiness extinguished by one word. Everything comes to a grinding halt.
After months of single word communication we finally began chatting properly just a day or two ago. As the number of sentences grew so did that long lost piece of hope. And the prospect of finally meeting face to face got me excited and nervous at the same time. But deep inside I prayed maybe, just maybe this time would be it. After all this time of waiting and silence. He did of course have a perfectly legitimate cause for the long quiet spell, what with work and studies and internships. And when the day finally came it would all go back to how it was.
I stand there on the smooth cobble stones of the Grand place, all kinds of activity going on around me, nothing registers in my head. I stare at those two lines, my senses fixed, I can’t look away; “I am with my boyfriend. We are at Quai de Wault.” My eyes scan theses words over and over again. All I hear is a ringing in my ears. All other sounds and noises blocked out. My legs frozen where I stood. Months of memories comes crashing through. I relive every touch, every smell, every sensation all in a matter of a few seconds. All nothing. ghosts of the past never meant to exist. The weeks and month spent waiting for just one word, the love and care I gave, all for nothing.
It takes me a moment to realise my sister calling me. She jolts me back into the crowded square. I quickly lock my phone and put it back in my pocket. She’s spotted a souvenir store and wants to get a few postcards. I smile and lead her there. I smile lest I ruin her time here, her first time in France. I smile though inside my heart breaks into countless pieces. Shards shredding my insides. The world reels around me as those words keep flashing in my mind; “I am with my boyfriend”. It keeps repeating itself like a stuck record. I can even hear his voice saying it. Over and over in an infinite loop. I don't even notice as we enter the store, or as she shows me little souvenirs. I simply smile and nod. All the time my soul dying around my breaking heart.
