The frog and owl together,

Began at once to ponder,

Together from one to another,

Why they were together,

One said it’s another,

The frog liked it better,

The owl said this is older,

And so things were nicer.

#lisa&I

One morning

oh morning, oh day, yet dark under black clouds,

cold winds and sharp rains, dampen the wet ground,

a storm is brewing, silently it creeps, herald by grey skies,

a storm is coming, the wild breeze once gentle shows me it comes

it is twilight at midday, the sun shrouded by dark clouds,

the winds tug and sway at branches, at shrubs and bushes,

the cold sting of rain beating upon the now dead foliage,

damp and dreary, yet the day begins, just a day like any other

then a ray of light, through the clouds shines a solitary beam,

the rains part though the cold remains, but colour returns to the gloomy pallor,

upon a sudden the promise of today changes, shifts from dreary to wistful,

oh woe for it does not last, not even a whole minute, for the unwell paranoid hearkens

what good is being on the other side of the world when he is naught but before me,

forever pestering me, spewing fear and hate, burning all good thoughts with but a word,

the day turns yet again, all in no more than a few lonely moments, 

can I not spend an hour without the pain, to shut that ever watchful eye for but a moment,

what a respite it would be, what joy to be oblivious, to be at peace,

my mind rings with noise, clangs and slams, cracks and breaks, clashes and strikes,

a symphony of noise, an orchestra of thoughts, not one moment of rest,

with no sense of time and no coherence or order, not a moment of quite, nor calm

like a river inundated, torrents wash though, waves crashing and water destroying,

like floods it cannot be stopped but simply endured, for the promise it brings,

for amidst all this wanton destruction an damage, grows the soils for a new beginning,

within all this dark and decay, from the very gut of corrosion, rises a new seed 

oh but what good is a seed of new beginnings, of new hope,

if the seed cannot grow beyond a sapling, cannot survive to grow, simply dies at birth,

just to let the inundation come again, again to ravage what lies in ruins,

not given a chance to heal, to gather the broken pieces, to try and mend

even in pieces I must live on, crawl on in existence till my time, till I am called away,

I wait for the call each day, every night, every passing moment, every waking dream,

for when the moment comes I shall be ready, prepared to meet what awaits me,

only friends await me, only the bliss of an unknown love

why élan views dissolution as the end is beyond me, for silence is but a new inception,

a new birth, the canvas for something far more endearing than the one past,

still what do I know, sitting by the window watching the tempest rage outside,

a tempest mirrored within, the ideations and tremors of a fellow yet incipient

as I ponder of my future, a future I do not know or want,

I cannot help but feel adrift, misplaced and bewildered, a world that would not notice,

why would the world notice, if one such as I simply sailed away, far beyond the horizon,

would I be missed? would my absence be noticed? I doubt and I suspect not

Done

Drained of happiness

Drained of joy,

An attempt at fulfilment,

All but a ploy.

Failed once and failed again,

Over and over the cycle goes,

Naught but an aching heart and bones in pain,

All my cons outnumber my pros.

What did I look for,

For now I'm lost,

All I do is scheme and bore,

Of my former self I'm but a Ghost.

Far far away just run away,

From all I knew and ever will know,

The world won't stop not even a day,

Who cares if I'm down so low.

An End

The little alley, encompassed on both sides by very classical buildings, throngs with people drawn to the city for this annual event. Up ahead the crowded alley way opens up to the Grand Place. Beside me my sister looks at me and smirks as the loud thumpa-thumpa sounds of a most horrific nature emanates from one of the small pubs cloistered away in the alley. She finds it amusing that I am encompassed in the sounds I am most uncomfortable with. We laugh and make our way out into the Grand Place. As we walk I casually pull my phone out of my pocket checking for the tell tale green light flashing indicating received messages. And lo, the green light flashes. Instinctively I hope it’s from him. As fate would have it, it’s him!

A few minutes earlier as I showed my Sister around my fair city and lead her through the bustling crowds that showed up for the Braderie, I messaged him, asking if he wanted to meet up. It had been an awfully long time after all. I asked him where he's was and went about showing my sister around.

My sister is taken by the beauty and splendour of the grand Place. The large fountain with the column of justice at it’s centre, surrounded by beautifully adorned classical buildings. As she takes it all in, I use the distraction to quietly unlock my phone and check on the flashing notification. It’s him! My hopeful heart does a slight jig and I smile inside. He’s messaged me on snapchat this time, how typical. I grin. I click on the little yellow tab and open the unread message. Two short lines. My smile drops. My heart sinks, all happiness extinguished by one word. Everything comes to a grinding halt.

After months of single word communication we finally began chatting properly just a day or two ago. As the number of sentences grew so did that long lost piece of hope. And the prospect of finally meeting face to face got me excited and nervous at the same time. But deep inside I prayed maybe, just maybe this time would be it. After all this time of waiting and silence. He did of course have a perfectly legitimate cause for the long quiet spell, what with work and studies and internships. And when the day finally came it would all go back to how it was.

I stand there on the smooth cobble stones of the Grand place, all kinds of activity going on around me, nothing registers in my head. I stare at those two lines, my senses fixed, I can’t look away; “I am with my boyfriend. We are at Quai de Wault.” My eyes scan theses words over and over again. All I hear is a ringing in my ears. All other sounds and noises blocked out. My legs frozen where I stood. Months of memories comes crashing through. I relive every touch, every smell, every sensation all in a matter of a few seconds. All nothing. ghosts of the past never meant to exist. The weeks and month spent waiting for just one word, the love and care I gave, all for nothing. 

It takes me a moment to realise my sister calling me. She jolts me back into the crowded square. I quickly lock my phone and put it back in my pocket. She’s spotted a souvenir store and wants to get a few postcards. I smile and lead her there. I smile lest I ruin her time here, her first time in France. I smile though inside my heart breaks into countless pieces. Shards shredding my insides. The world reels around me as those words keep flashing in my mind; “I am with my boyfriend”. It keeps repeating itself like a stuck record. I can even hear his voice saying it. Over and over in an infinite loop. I don't even notice as we enter the store, or as she shows me little souvenirs. I simply smile and nod. All the time my soul dying around my breaking heart. 

Home is where the heart is they say,

Why oh why must it be this way,

My soul aches and my spirit in pain,

I feel as though my being’s slain,

The love I felt those months ago,

Has turned to dust, ashes to let go.

Lotus Blossom

While the lotus blossom draws the dark beetle at sundown, I am in despair. 

When gentle breezes blow from the mountains, my heart wilts in pain. 

Oh friend with hair dark as the beetle! The one who shoots flowers as arrows brings me pains of love!

Oh dear friend, my heart is overwhelmed by desire. 

Ever the longing mounts in my heart.

My body tires, my sweet voiced friend. The birds singing amongst the flowers causes me pain. 

Even the rising moon has become red-hot embers to me. 

Love has become my foe, my gentle friend. 

Go to my beloved, tell him of my longing. Oh my friend with beautiful hair! 

My beloved, beautiful as rain clouds.

Has he no mercy? Oh why this delay? 

A Truth

Wide awake in the dead of night,
I wait,
I wait knowing nothing awaits me,
Nothing.

With eyes wide open I stare,
Into the night,
Into the dark emptiness,
Much like my heart.

How I wish and hope,
Yearn for a touch,
A caress,
A soft breath of warmth by me.

How I wish and pray,
For the day that will never be,
Though I know,
I cannot stop.

I will not stop,
All my life yet before me,
All alone,
Always yearning.

Thinking

When the night is dark,

And the dogs go bark,

When the clouds are black,

And the ducks go quack,

When the sky is blue,

And the cows go moo,

Think of little ol’ me,
I’ll be thinking of you

Fall

oho, oho! rise up o death!

collect thy bones,

gather thy limbs,

shake the earth from thy flesh!

bring forth thy wrath,

upon this world,

this wretched land,

ruled by man.

let thy fury from the sky,

rise from the ground,

rush wth the wind,

crash with the waves.

let them fall,

all that was raised,

of this broken world,

this empire of man.

Undone

I see a life wasted to rot

My soul rots within my head,
my heart putrid with hate,
my spirit undone to burn,
I die a thousand deaths
Searing pain in my eyes,
foul air engulfs my lungs,
my guts broil within me,
my soul is left to rot.